Unsent Letter to my Best friends, Though, I Don't Know How I Can Call Them My 'Best Friends', When They Are Letting Me Fade Away To Dust.
Chelsea, Sam, you are right. I am wrong, and I can’t face it and I know I don’t want to face it. But it hurts to be left out. It hurts be not even know if your best friends are truly your ‘best friends’. They don’t show it or act any different to you from anyone else. And there I am, alone…in the dark, not knowing what is what and anymore. And there I am, without any connection to anyone…left out, losing myself…and translucent. And there I am, so invisible to anyone and anything, things only get worse…, and there I am, so ungrateful and not cared…that I now practically disappeared. So gone, that no one knows I’m there. No one cares I’m there anymore.
No one wants to help me, no one understands me. There may not even be anybody who knows why I am the way that I am. There are only three people who I know could help, but two are letting go, and one cannot hold the rope alone. You know who you are, and though I thank you, I can never be grateful to anything ever again.
For no one cares, they don’t want to help me. They roll their eyes and try to guess what may be happening and what could help. Thanks for the attempt, but that could help you, not me. For God made us different, which makes us unique, and I am different, so I don’t know how that can help me.
But if you cared enough, and if you know that I’m not gone yet, you could help me. Stand by my side. Catch me if a start to fall. Hold my hand and encourage me to stand up tall and succeed. Though I may have dropped hints I needed you like this before, and none of you really cared, I guess.
Tears roll down my cheeks. I know now it isn’t a dream, this is reality. This is my life. This is the fault. This is my fault. For I am the one who let everyone down. And I am the one who is putting my problems on others and almost demanding help and love from it. I ask to find a day soon to discover hope, pride, courage, love, and gratefulness. But I ask no more of you. I want nothing from you. I accept what you give me, but I ask nothing from you. It isn’t your life, so I refuse now to dump my problems on everyone. I say I am sincerely sorry. Though there is one last thing I ask, though you can not care, let it go, fuck it, or help me. I ask you to let me disappear. Into darkness, with all haterid, evil; to the abyss. I ask you to let me fade away. I ask you not to care. I ask you not to love me. Above all, I ask you to forget about me and that I ever existed.
Carolyn.
the girl
i'm lorelai. brown hair. tall. 15 years old. bisexual and proud of it. wiccan. coffee & cereal addict. creative. lives for music and friends. irish. wants to fuck craig parker and keith. make fair trade. want more? see my eljay
loves
steal away. coldplay. stars. christie. music. friends. cutting. piano. magic. shoes. reading. lotr. harry potter. writing. piercings. tattoos. swearing. true love. my sisters
loves
school. liars. matt. people who think they're 'all that'. abercrombie. boy bands. hilary duff. rap music. commercials. homophobics. hot weather. unrequited love. jerks. lawn work. pain.